Safeguarding Yourself
Erica Kesse
Safeguarding Yourself
Safeguard is to protect and honor yourself. You will be aware of your emotions, how others make you feel, and take healthy self-responsible action to soothe yourself.
Toxicity is the quality of being very harmful or unpleasant in a persistent or deceptive way. Our emotions are great indicators of if we are experiencing toxicity. Pay attention to them as our emotions have always been our safeguards. We just seem to ignore, push down, disregard, or reason them away. Honor your emotions and yourself.
Now, 11 practical ways to safeguard yourself:
1. 7 Minute Sunshine tool of discontinuing the interaction after 7 minutes if it does not make you feel warm, connected, and loved.
2. Leave the situation or circumstance at least to reset and understand your emotions
3. Use "I Feel" Statements (I feel __________ (emotion) when you ___________ (behavior). I would like you to ____________ (boundary).
4. Assert and reiterate your boundaries, guidelines to keep you safe
5. Deep breathing
6. Notice if you are feeling your emotions or someone else's emotions
7. 15 minutes of focusing/ being with yourself without doing anything
8. Decide how long you will endure the situation out of obligations, leave as you agreed to yourself, then do something that brings you joy or brings you back to yourself
9. Manage your emotions and let others manage their emotions
10. Be gentle with yourself and your inner child
11. Lean on support system people to help you cope in healthy life-bringing ways
You got this!
As we celebrate Counseling Awareness Month, I want to take a moment to acknowledge the incredible work you do every day. As a therapist and author of "Honey, You Need Counseling Skills," I understand the unique challenges you face, particularly when it comes to imposter syndrome and burnout. This blog is dedicated to empowering you with the tools and insights you need to not only survive but thrive in your roles. Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Imposter syndrome can be a silent saboteur, making you question your abilities and second-guess your decisions. Here are a few strategies to help you overcome these feelings: Practice Self-Compassion : Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you offer to others. Acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes and that it's okay not to have all the answers. Reframe Negative Thoughts : Challenge those pesky inner voices by reframing negative self-talk into positive affirmations. You are capable and deserving of your success. Celebrate Your Wins : Take time to reflect on your accomplishments and celebrate your successes, no matter how small they may seem. Managing Burnout Burnout is a real and pressing issue for many leaders. Here are some tips to help you manage your time and energy more effectively: Prioritize Self-Care : Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul. This includes exercise, meditation, and spending time with loved ones. Set Boundaries : Learn to say "no" without guilt or apology. Your well-being is crucial to your success. Delegate Effectively : Identify tasks that can be delegated to others, freeing up your time and energy for more strategic and high-impact activities. Counseling Skills for Thriving Leaders In my book, "Honey, You Need Counseling Skills," I share five imperative counseling skills that can help you thrive as a leader. These skills include: Vision Casting : Clearly define your vision and goals, and communicate them effectively to your team. Mission Creation : Develop a mission statement that aligns with your values and inspires your team. Time and Energy Management : Prioritize tasks, manage your time effectively, and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Communication Skills : Develop active listening skills, ask open-ended questions, and communicate clearly and empathetically. Thrive Planning : Create a plan that focuses on growth, development, and sustainability. Resources and Support Book Giveaway : To celebrate Counseling Awareness Month, I'm giving away a few copies of "Honey, You Need Counseling Skills." Simply reply to this email with your name and a brief message on how you're working to overcome imposter syndrome or burnout. Free Consultation : Schedule a free consultation with me to discuss your specific challenges and receive personalized guidance. Community Support : Join our community of thriving leaders in the Thrive Oasis: www.thriveoasis.life/thrive-community As a thriving leader, you have the power to create positive change in your organization and beyond. Remember, you are not alone in your struggles, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Keep pushing forward, and know that you have the support of this community. Wishing you continued success and well-being, Erica Kesse, LPC, CPQC P.S. Don't forget to take care of yourself this month. You are worth it.
Success isn’t just about intelligence, skill, or opportunity. If it were, more people would be thriving. Yet, time and time again, I see highly capable individuals stalling their own progress—not because they aren’t good enough, but because something deeper is at play. They procrastinate. They overthink. They fill their time with low-impact work while avoiding the actions that truly move them forward. And the most common conclusion they reach? "Maybe I’m just not meant for this." But that belief couldn’t be further from the truth. The real issue isn’t external—it’s internal. It’s the mindset, patterns, and unconscious fears that shape our behaviors and decisions. Let’s explore why this happens and, more importantly, how to overcome it. The Psychology of Self-Sabotage Self-sabotage is a protective mechanism—a way our minds attempt to keep us safe. The problem? Safety and success don’t always go hand in hand. For many, past experiences (whether childhood conditioning, workplace failures, or personal disappointments) shape their relationship with success. These experiences create patterns of avoidance, perfectionism, and fear, which show up in five common ways: 1. The Overworker (Fight Mode) Some people react to stress by pushing through at all costs. They work longer hours, micromanage, and refuse to delegate. This response feels productive, but often leads to burnout and exhaustion. What to do: Learn to trust others, delegate tasks, and recognize that rest is not the enemy of success—it’s a necessity for sustainable growth. 2. The Avoider (Flight Mode) Others escape challenges by avoiding risk, delaying decisions, or shifting focus to less important tasks. They might endlessly prepare, research, or "wait for the perfect time," only to realize they never truly start. What to do: Instead of waiting for confidence, take small, uncomfortable steps forward. Action creates clarity, not the other way around. 3. The Overthinker (Freeze Mode) Analysis paralysis is real. Some people get stuck weighing every option, fearing the wrong move will lead to failure. Their mind is busy, but they take little action. What to do: Set a deadline for decisions. Done is better than perfect, and progress is better than stagnation. 4. The Burnout Victim (Flop Mode) When overwhelmed, some leaders and entrepreneurs shut down entirely. They disengage, feel unmotivated, and struggle to find the energy to push forward. What to do: Recognize when your body and mind are signaling exhaustion. Instead of forcing productivity, focus on recovery, mindset shifts, and strategic adjustments. 5. The People-Pleaser (Fawn Mode) Some individuals avoid conflict and discomfort by prioritizing others’ needs over their own. They say yes when they mean no, struggle with boundaries, and fear disappointing people. What to do: Understand that success requires healthy boundaries. Learning to say no is just as important as knowing when to say yes. How to Move from Self-Sabotage to Thriving Recognizing these patterns is the first step. The next step is rewiring your approach to success. This means: Identifying mental blocks that keep you from scaling your business, career, or personal growth. Developing emotional resilience and learning how to navigate stress effectively. Aligning your actions with your mission, so every step you take has purpose and impact. Using practical tools and strategies to shift from surviving to thriving. This is what I help people do every day. As a Thrive Strategist and On-Demand Social Support System, I work with leaders, entrepreneurs, and organizations to break through their self-imposed limitations and operate from a place of clarity and confidence. If you’ve been running full speed but still feel stuck, it’s not because you aren’t meant for success. It’s because something in your approach needs to change.
What separates thriving leaders from those just getting by? A bold, clear, and actionable vision—paired with the ability to trust others to help bring that vision to life. Your vision isn’t just a statement—it’s the foundation of your organization’s future. It defines the impact you’ll make, the legacy you’ll leave, and the path to your goals. But without trust, even the best vision can fall flat. Many CEOs and leaders hesitate to delegate, not because they lack vision, but because trust feels risky. Maybe you’ve been let down before. Maybe you believe no one else can handle things quite like you do. This constant need for control? It’s often a response to past experiences—your mind protecting you from the unknown. That’s where the "From Trauma to Trust" Intensive comes in. This transformative program helps leaders shift from a "survivor mind" to a "thriving mind." It starts by recognizing how past challenges shape your leadership style. Do any of these sound familiar? How Trauma Responses Show Up in Leadership Fight: The Overworker & Perfectionist How It Shows Up: You push through at all costs, refusing to slow down. You take on too much, micromanage, or struggle to trust your team to deliver results. Signs: Burnout, exhaustion, headaches, frustration, and a tendency to control every detail. Impact: You may see short-term success, but long-term, this leads to stress, resentment, and an unsustainable work environment. Shift to Thriving: Learn to delegate, set boundaries, and trust that you don’t have to do everything alone. 2. Flight: The Avoider How It Shows Up: You avoid conflict, tough decisions, or high-pressure situations. You may jump from one idea to another, constantly searching for the "next thing" instead of facing challenges head-on. Signs: Procrastination, over-researching, perfectionism, or busyness without real progress. Impact: Your vision stays stuck in planning mode instead of turning into reality. Fear of failure keeps you from taking action. Shift to Thriving: Learn to embrace discomfort, take imperfect action, and develop resilience by facing challenges instead of running from them. 3️⃣ Freeze: The Overthinker & Procrastinator How It Shows Up: You feel stuck, overwhelmed by decisions, and unable to move forward. You might analyze every possible outcome, leading to paralysis and inaction. Signs: Indecision, second-guessing, procrastination, and self-doubt. Impact: You spend so much time thinking about the best move that you miss opportunities or delay critical decisions. Shift to Thriving: Build decision-making confidence, break big goals into small steps, and take action even when you don’t have all the answers. 4️⃣ Flop: The Overwhelmed & Disengaged Leader How It Shows Up: When things become too much, you shut down. You might feel disconnected, unmotivated, or emotionally drained. Instead of problem-solving, you withdraw. Signs: Apathy, exhaustion, avoidance of work, feeling emotionally numb. Impact: Your business, team, or vision suffers from lack of direction. You may feel like you’re "just going through the motions" rather than leading with passion. Shift to Thriving: Reignite your purpose, reconnect with your vision, and develop strategies to prevent overwhelm before it leads to disengagement. 5️⃣ Fawn: The People-Pleaser How It Shows Up: You prioritize making others happy over making necessary decisions. You struggle to say no, avoid setting boundaries, and may take on responsibilities that aren’t yours. Signs: Overcommitting, apologizing frequently, agreeing to things out of guilt, and feeling resentful afterward. Impact: Your leadership lacks authority because you’re too focused on keeping the peace instead of making bold decisions. This can also lead to burnout and loss of personal power. Shift to Thriving: Learn to set firm boundaries, communicate assertively, and lead with confidence—even when it’s uncomfortable. The Power of Intensive Leadership Growth The Intensives program helps you break free from automatic stress responses and build healthier coping mechanisms. For example, if you tend to fight through everything, you might experience burnout, negative self-talk, and emotional exhaustion. Instead of pushing harder, Intensives teaches you to pause, reset, and operate from a place of clarity and balance. What You Gain from the Intensives Program By participating, you will: ✅ Gain clarity on your next steps without second-guessing yourself. ✅ Build resilience and confidence as a recognized leader in your industry. ✅ Create harmony between your personal and professional life. This is your opportunity to step into thriving leadership, where you lead with vision, trust, and confidence.